Starting this week

When I started this blog I vowed to give people a look into my life.I wanted to show what it is like to live with chronic pain, and my attempts at a semi-normal. Since I started writing I have not kept my promise and I have just used this as an outlet to vent about the horrible days I have had. What I forgot to write about is for how every bad day there are good days. I have been passed through the healthcare system for ten years, and have grown quite jaded but I  have not lost hope for a better tomorrow.-

 So now I want to show the other side of how I cope with daily chronic headaches. I am still fighting the good fight because no matter how disturbed I am by the system, I have the same amount of faith in it. In the past ten years I have prob. seen about 100 doctors at some of the best hospitals in the country, some of the doctors are completely clueless but they are called practicing physicians, and they are doing just that- practicing!  Ten years ago they said I had TMJ and started me in several orthotic devices, to which I saw NO improvement. From then they treated me with several major operations, which now I know I may not have needed.But that is all in the past & I cannot change what happened then. 

 Once I made my way to Scottsdale I found a neurologist willing to take me on as a patient & he found a medicine that I am responding to for the first time in ten years. It has many side-effects but it is starting to point me the direction of a diagnosis. Ten years ago the medical community was not as informed on this type of headache as they are now. So even if I don't get better in the next few months I know new discoveries are being made every day and that eventually I am going to find my cure, and do amazing things with my life. So basically I just want to tell everyone that even when your day is at its darkest, and you are hurting.. emotionally or physically you must keep faith in yourself & those around you, because tomorrow the sun may shine radiating warmth across your face. And your smile will return. I am now also working with a pain specialist, trying some natural alternatives to some of my medications. I will try to update more often about how these treatments are going. I give this Dr. Rotella a lot of credit for his confidence in these new therapies in which many of his patients testify to turning their lives around. I am attaching a link to his website so if anyone else in this area is dealing with a headaches, I think you should also give him a shot.
www.scottsdalemedcenter.com/aboutus.php

Pissed at Life (my rant)

I have not updated this in a long while, because I have been too pissed at life to even know what to say on here. Currently the doctors have been telling me that I am in the early stages of lupus, and I have some form of headache called "hemicrania continua" and today thanks to the medicines they give I almost STROKED out. My heart rate jumped to about 160 - resting.... SICK.... and it felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I puked about 3 times... and still all with the lightning like pain striking my face and side of my head for 4 hrs straight. I really am trying to be patient with these doctors but when I call the office they put me on hold. Mayo clinic won't take my insurance.... yet my neurologist wants me to see a doc there. They want me to pay thousands of dollars to see this doctor out my unemployed pocket! they say you should try to get a job- WHERE THE FUDGE KNUCKLES AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK WHEN I CAN'T COMMIT TO WAKING UP EVERYDAY AT A CERTAIN TIME< AND NOT PUKING FROM THE PAIN I HAVE BEEN IN ALL NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am tired of people telling me they understand because they don't... not many people understand 10 years of searching for an answer. Being wait listed for 3-6 months to see the doctor that "might" be able to help. I really wish someone would do something with this healthcare system- it is completely messed up! .. STILL ON HOLD BY THE WAY- OVER MY MIN. WITH VERIZON THANKS TO THE DOCS KEEPING ME ON HOLD ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!! SO now I sit on here writing- praying that the pain now only dulled by the meds doesn't come back today. I am missing my own b-day party tonight.

PLeAse if anyone can figure out whats going on with me please please please let me know- I can't afford to see the doctors I need to at mayo ... and F*CK MY LIFE the pain is coming back so I might as well lay down again. I was excited to go to wal-mart- MY BIG OUTING for the week WAL_MART... SO please if you have any ideas for me, or have heard of anything like this before. WITH MISERABLE FACE PAIN, ACHES THROUGH MY BODY,HAIR LOSS, HOT FLASHES, and a HEART RATE LIKE A MINI-STROKE please let me know cause if I go to the ER THEY WILL shoot me up with steroids and pain meds that help less than 24 hrs, and then I am just back to the same old shit. PS PEOPLE JUST BECAUSE I HAVE ONE GOOD DAY IT DOES NOT MAKE UP FOR THE 50 BAD ONES!

PS- JUST BECAUSE I LOOK NORMAL DOES MEAN THAT I AM. IF HOW I FELT INSIDE COULD MATCH ON THE OUTSIDE PEOPLE WOULD BE FRIGHTENED... BUT I LOOK LIKE  NORMAL 23 year old... I AM NOR NORMAL- not sure I will ever be normal again... but if I could just be half-way there... I would feel like I won the lottery!BLEH THIS IS THE END OF MY RANT FOR NOW....